Ask a Question    TrixiePixieGraphics®    Channel54News®    FakeNewspapers™    National-Media™ Gag Gifts & Art, More Fun than a Halter-Top Full of Ferrets Giant Checks - Fake Pregnancy Tests - Fake DNA/Paternity Tests - Fake Newspapers - FBI Wanted Posters Fake Certificates - Custom Gift Wrapping Paper - Huge Banners - Old West Wanted Posters - Crossword Puzzles Book Binding - Personalized Books - Fake Obituaries - Fake Prescriptions - Fake Ultrasounds - KubeKompanion ABOUT SHIPPING TrixiePixie Graphics®      Store Rating    About Shipping    View Cart/Checkout Illegal to publish, broadcast, rewrite or redistribute -- Copyright © 1982 - 2009 TrixiePixie Graphics® -- All Rights Reserved Visa, Mastercard, American Express and Paypal Accepted! You know how hard it is to find a TRULY unique gift. Well, now you've found one. Representing some of the finest, most outrageous entertainment you'll ever find for pocket change. You'll receive ten (10) copies (3 copies when ordering full page format, or 2 copies of the "whole newspaper" selection). You do NOT have to supply your photo (same price either way). The backs of each article are covered in generic, unrelated text to complete the look and feel of absolute authenticity. "Pocket clippings" are printed on 36 x 36 inch pallet sheets of newsprint, then torn from the sheet to look as though they're torn from a real newspaper---which they are! Other formats are printed life-size on individual sheets. Our articles will fool virtually anyone. You'll keep these for years in scrapbooks and picture albums, you'll send them to relatives, friends, co-workers, ex-friends and victims, and you'll never again have so much fun for lunch money! As Seen on TV Fake/Joke Newspaper Article C-60 Got a (soon to be ex) Friend Who Needs Some Humility? Unfortunately, this is a true story. The names have been changed to protect THE FREAKING STOOPID!!! Fake/Joke Newspaper Article Text -- Copyright © 2007 TrixiePixGraphics Local Man Suffers More Embarrassment than Injury You got a bottle stuck WHERE? "I don't usually do things like this," says patient. Yourtown---- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.) A local hair stylist, Casey Jones, of 8th Ave. Barbers in Seattle, was admitted to Harborview Hospital in Seattle over the weekend complaining of "rectal pain". "He came in with a blanket draped around him and walking 'real funny'," said a hospital nurse who asked not to be identified. "We didn't know what we were dealing with until--- until we got the blanket off of him. He didn't want to give it up, either," the nurse laughed. Jones said he was at a party "just horsing around with friends, you know." One thing led to another, and before Jones realized it, he had a problem. "We tried everything," said Jones. "It just wouldn't come out. At one point some of the guys got kind of rough. They were afraid they might have to call 911, and no one wanted to do that. So they started trying all sorts of stuff to get it out." "They seemed like good guys at the time. They worked on it for, oh, a couple of hours. Finally there was nothing left but to come on in [to the ER]." Jones's friends put him in the back seat of a car and drove him to the hospital. They helped him out of the car at the ER entrance, and got the blanket around him. "They helped me figure out how to walk. They pointed me at the doors. Then they ran like hell. They're all a bunch of bastards." The wine bottle was successfully extracted from the patient around 3:00 a.m. He received an undisclosed number of sutures in an undisclosed location, and was sent home face-down in the back seat of a taxi. Said one nurse, "We offered to bag up the bottle for him in case he wanted it as a souvenir, but he said that was in 'the poorest possible taste', and he stomped out. Imagine that." Seattle PD says it has no evidence that any crime was committed, so it will not become involved in the incident. See Mayor Cracks Down on Deviates Page D-5 View NEXT Fake Newspaper  Write Your Own Fake Newspapers From Scratch Questions about Fake Newspapers? Try Our FAQs First! View Optional Format Samples Email Instructions: Personalize and SUBMIT the form. Then click "CONTINUE" to go to the payment page. Follow the flow through the Shopping Cart check-out. To make corrections please submit a new form. Once your new form has been submitted, you're done. DO NOT go through the payment process again unless to wish to pay for and receive additional newspapers. To create your own story from scratch, using your own main image, please click HERE instead of using this form. Volume Discounts are available during checkout Whole Size $39.95, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23x27 inches, 2 identical copies Whole Size $87.50, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23x27 inches, 5 identical copies Whole Size $199.00, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23x27 inches, 12 identical copies Whole Size $600.00, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23x27 inches, 50 identical copies Small Pocket Clippings $17.95, No headline, 6x9 inches, identical 10 copies Small Pocket Clippings $45.00, No headline, 6x9 inches, 30 identical copies Full Page $24.95, (half sheet), No Headline, 13x23 inches, 3 identical copies Full Page $67.85, (half sheet), No Headline, 13x23 inches, 9 identical copies Full Page $146.95, (half sheet), No Headline, 13x23 inches, 21 identical copies Poster Size $49.95, With Headline, 42x75 inches, 1 copy Poster Size $217.95, With Headline, 42x75 inches, 5 identical copies Tabloid Size $24.95, With Headline, 13x21 inches, 3 identical copies For "Bulk" Advertising Fake News Clips, Go Here   Or....choose from three OTHER options:   Write your own personalized newspapers from scratch (from $17.95) Write your own story in your own words and upload any pictures you like (or none at all). Upload your own complete newspaper page layout (from $39.95) Create your own complete newspaper page using the page-layout software of your choice, then upload that page to us and we'll modify it to print as a newspaper. Choose a pre-written bulk newspaper (cannot be modified) (from $4.95) Many fake newspaper stories/articles are available as a pre-written selection which cannot be modified to suit. More are added almost daily. We have a HUGE backlog of archived and unfinished stories (many hundreds). Remember! ----- Whole Size is a two-sheet, eight-page WHOLE newspaper WITH HEADLINE Poster Size is HUGE, printed on stiffer poster stock; one page WITH HEADLINE Small Size is SMALL -- roughly a 6 x 9 inch "Pocket Clipping" with NO HEADLINE Tabloid is tabloid sized, smaller than the Enquirer; one sheet, two pages each WITH HEADLINE Full size is one full page, NOT one full SHEET; it's an INSIDE half-sheet page with NO HEADLINE We accept: American Express, Master Card, Visa, Discover Fill out the following information and click 'Submit'. Delete any unwanted text in any field Type NONE in any fields you want left blank *Article Number C-1 BASE Jumper C-2 Bear Finds Way to Town C-3 Screw Loose X-Ray C-4 Fakey Alien Abduction C-5 Human Ape Baby C-6 Lotto Winner C-7 Two Story Outhouse C-8 Puppy in a Tree C-9 Skydiving Car C-10 Slacker Award C-11 UFO Sighting C-12 Wanted for Grisly Murder C-13 Outlaw Bikers C-14 Save an Airliner C-15 Ten Passenger Motorcycle C-16 Beauty Pageant Winner C-17 Mile High Club (plane stuck in wires) C-18 Computer Toilet C-19 Meteor Hits Local Home C-20 Not Used C-21 Bungee Biker C-22 Machine Gun Fisherman C-23 DB Cooper Found Alive C-24 KKK Grand Wizard C-25 Santa Claus Killer C-26 Reptile Woman C-27 Trucker Hits Bridge C-28 My Anus C-29 Street Walker C-30 Ferry Sinks C-31 Mugger Gets Ass Kicked C-32 Best Employee Award C-33 Monorail Stoppee C-34 Vessel Raised from the Deep C-35 Kirby Hat Diver C-36 Shark Attack C-37 Grand Canyon Motorcycle Jump C-38 Rubber Raft Skydivers C-39 Naked Man in Carwash C-40 Big Surf C-41 Beat Up the Devil C-42 No Life on Mars C-43 Prop Diver C-44 World's Largest Penis on Record C-45 Fondled by President Clinton C-46 Mother of the Year C-47 Cuban Cigar Smugglers C-48 Biker Races Seattle Monorail C-49 Narrows Bridge Biker Stunt C-50 Castro's Cigar Gift C-51 Seattle Monorail Bear C-52 Eiffel Tower Comes to Your Town C-53 Moon Knocked Out of Orbit C-54 Second Face on Mars Confirmed C-55 BASE Jumper Arrested Downtown C-56 Croc Found in Sewer C-57 Record Pompano (fish) Caught C-58 Happy Valentine's Day C-59 New Olympics Event C-60 ER Bottle Incident C-61 Bears Downtown C-62 Giraffe on the Loose C-63 Female Streaker C-64 Pizza Blimp Crash C-65 Industrial Park Bear C-66 Balloon Man Flies C-67 New Traffic Lights Erected C-68 Fake Your Own Death C-69 Bridge to Hawaii C-70 Scary Fish C-71 Earthquake Rocks Seattle C-72 Earthquake Rocks Seattle C-73 Monorail Crash C-74 Meteor Shower C-75 Fortean Blobs C-76 Human Organ Thieves C-77 Stock Market Crash C-78 V-16 Motorcycle C-79 Demi Moore or Memorex C-80 Naked Men Arrested C-81 Alien Implant C-82 Experimental Black Hole Out of Control C-83 Britney Spears C-84 Not Used C-85 Not Used C-86 Not Used C-87 Not Used C-88 Country Bought by US C-89 Derby Winner C-90 Not Used C-91 Brown Noser C-92 Police Ask for Help C-93 Crop Circle C-94 Smallest Penis in the World C-95 Dance Studio C-96 Not Used C-97 Goat Molester C-98 Horsing Around C-99 Head Up Ass C-100 Old Woman Hooker C-101 Broken Penis C-102 Public Exposure C-103 Viagra Fatality C-104 Male Prostitution C-105 Bottle Stuck Up Butt C-106 Not Used C-107 Mysterious Flying Rods C-108 Birthday Cake Fire C-109 Space Cows on Mars C-110 Killer Deer Kicks Hunter's Ass C-111 Killer Deer Gets Eaten C-112 Freeway Sign Hacked C-113 Marriage Vaccine C-114 Surfer Shark Attack C-115 Alien Anal Probe C-116 Osama bin Laden Captured Alive C-117 Penis Stuck in Fan C-118 Terrorist Arrested C-119 Not Used C-120 Smart Bombs Not so Smart C-121 Write Your Own Obituary C-122 Doing Atkins C-123 Arnold Schwarzenegger C-124 Haunt the House of Your Choice C-125 Not Used C-126 Michael Jackson Molests Your Dad C-127 Write Your Own Horoscope C-128 Largest Ball of Pubic Hair C-129 Not Used C-130 Santa Barbara PD Goes Crazy C-131 Jennifer Wilbanks Spoiled Brat C-132 Laura Bush / Teresa Kerry C-133 Judicial System Disbanded C-134 Not Used C-135 Not Used C-136 Not Used C-137 Not Used C-138 Not Used C-139 Not Used C-140 Not Used C-141 Not Used C-142 Not Used C-143 Not Used C-144 Not Used C-145 Not Used C-146 Not Used C-147 Not Used C-148 Not Used C-149 Not Used C-150 Not Used C-00 CUSTOM Write Your Own   *Your First Name 25 characters remaining. *Your Last Name 25 characters remaining. *Email: *Verify Email: *Date of Newspaper This prints! 30 characters remaining. *Newspaper Name This prints! 35 characters remaining. *Newspaper Headline (whole & poster ONLY!) 60 characters remaining. *Subheader (or image description) 150 characters remaining. *Article Headline 80 characters remaining. *Byline 20 characters remaining. *Story Location 20 characters remaining. *Main Story Text 2100 chars for small size 4500 chars for other sizes 4500 characters remaining. *I agree to check my email in case there are questions about my order YES Freeway Sign Text (Complete this field for C-112 ONLY!) 40 characters remaining. Trophy Text (Complete this field for C-16 or C-32 ONLY!) 20 characters remaining. Valentine Message (Complete this field for C-58 ONLY!) 140 characters remaining. Main Image Upload (if any) Inset Image Upload (if any) *Have You Included Any Images (above)? YES NO *Size & Format for this Story? -= Select =- SMALL CLIPPINGS (no headline) ($16.95) (10 copies) FULL PAGE (no headline) ($24.95) (3 copies) WHOLE NEWSPAPER (with headline) ($39.95) (2 copies) <<--- Standard Order POSTER (with headline) ($49.95) (1 copy) TABLOID (with headline) ($24.95) (3 copies)   *I understand I may NEVER email with corrections, changes, or updates to my story. I agree to SUBMIT A NEW FORM for corrections YES *I Agree Not to Use This Product for Illegal and/or Fraudulent Purposes YES Copyright © 1982-2009 TrixiePixGraphics.Com, All Rights Reserved View Size and Format Options Here