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Got a friend or co-worker who's boring you to death about their latest alien abduction experience? Tell 'em you've been abducted too---and here's the proof.

 

Fake/Joke Newspaper Article Text -- Copyright © 2007 TrixiePixGraphics

Victim asserts alien photo is genuine First Documented Abduction Dozens of Witnesses in Mall Parking Lot Yourtown---- A Kent woman, Casey Jones has filed a report with the Pierce County Sheriff's office claiming that she was abducted by aliens while attempting to unlock her car door after shopping at Auburn's Supermall. Dozens of witnesses support the allegation. "I was just getting in my car to go home," said Casey. "I was tired. I'd been shopping for hours. All of a sudden, I heard this weird kind of 'whirring' noise. I looked up, and there it was---a bright light was right above me. It was coming from the bottom of a disk-shaped craft. I could see little aliens looking at me out of small portholes. Then the light got even brighter, and the next thing I knew, I was sitting on the pavement next to my car, and there were people standing all around me." Witnesses corroborate virtually every detail of Casey's statement. Apparently the Kent resident was "beamed" into the saucer, then spirited away for "about an hour". Then the craft returned, and deposited Ms. Jones right back next to her car. Casey has subsequently undergone extensive hypnosis therapy, which also tends to support her entire story. "A lot was revealed during hypnosis," said Casey. "For instance, they (the aliens) told me that they are very concerned for our environment. They told me that I must spread the word and convince the world's population to stop polluting. It's a huge responsibility. They also seemed very concerned over the current world shortage of Rocky Road ice cream. This seems to be one of their most profound priorities. They want me to appeal to the ice cream industries of the world to step up production of this vital food source. They warn that there could be 'serious consequences' if this is not done. I don't know what they mean by that," she added. Other than that, though, Casey says the aliens are friendly, intelligent, and witty, demonstrating a peculiar strain of dry humor. "Before they dropped me off," continued Ms. Jones. "We buzzed the White House and made all their lights flick on and off. Those little guys laughed and laughed. It was a blast." The investigation is continuing. See 'Indications of a Growing Alien Threat' Page D-5

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