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As Seen on TV
Fake/Joke Newspaper Article C-133
Michael (Wacko) Jackson Not Guilty on All Counts
California Judicial Branch Disbanded

Michael Jackson, OJ Simpson, what's next for CalyFORNia?
Fake/Joke Newspaper Article Text -- Copyright © 2007 TrixiePixGraphics |
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California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger vs. Wacko-Jacko
California Judicial System to be Disbanded
By Mike Peters
AP Reporter
Sacramento, CA.—
In a stunning announcement today, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said the California state judicial system was to be disbanded in its entirety.
Speaking of the Michael Jackson not-guilty verdicts on June 13, Schwarzenegger said, "Hey. If these people (the Michael Jackson jury and population of California) want chaos and anarchy, let 'em have it! If these people won't put the murderers and pedophiles away, and get them off the streets and out of society, then so be it. The population of this state can live with these people in their midst, with no repercussions whatsoever for any crimes these criminals might care to inflict on them, including pedophilia, murder, drug dealing, rape, to name but a few. Why should we continue to collect taxes to finance and employ tens of thousands of dedicated, hard-working law enforcement and judicial employees whose only purpose in life is to protect those very citizens who thumb their noses at that protection! If the people of California want criminals to have carte blanche to commit whatever atrocities they desire, then let's help the people of California get what they want.....and what they deserve!"
Schwarzenegger announced that, effective immediately, all law enforcement and judicial employees would be released from their duties and may then go home.
"This 'Girlie Man' population [of California] has shown over and over and over, in the OJ Simpson trial, in the Michael Jackson trial, and in countless thousands of other criminal proceedings, that it has made a conscious decision to protect its criminals and to allow them to roam free," lamented the Governor. "My job is to give the people what they want."
The resultant outcry against Schwarzeneggers statement was loud and long and fierce--but it was dwarfed by the applause of those in agreement.
Hundreds of thousands of demonstrators marched through the streets of most major California cities today in support of the Michael Jackson verdicts, chanting, "Love is never a sin", and "Let chaos reign". Banners and signs read, "Let Michael Love", and "Michael can have MY son".
The rest of the nation was stunned by the verdicts, and by Schwarzenegger's decision to disband the judicial and law enforcement structures of the state.
Prosecutors across the country openly speculated whether California's water system had been tainted with some sort of drug causing mass-psychosis; some have actually asked the EPA to begin testing.
"We've always known California was whacked," admitted President Bush, shaking his head. "Heck, that's no secret. But even cutting those folks about a hundred miles of slack, the [Michael] Jackson verdicts are still eye-poppers. What's next?"
"Those jurors dissected the trees with fine precision and high-powered optics," said Schwarzenegger. "Too bad they were so busy looking at the trees that they never saw the forest."
Schwarzenegger said he plans to call for the renaming of California to Neverland.
A spokesman for Michael Jackson said, "If the Gov don't rename it, we will!"
See "Stupid is as Stupid Does" --or-- "Sodom and Gomorrah"
Page A-11 |
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