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You know how hard it is to find a TRULY unique gift. Well, now you've found one. Representing some of the finest, most outrageous entertainment you'll ever find for pocket change. You'll receive ten (10) copies (3 copies when ordering full page format, or 2 copies of the "whole newspaper" selection). You do NOT have to supply your photo (same price either way). The backs of each article are covered in generic, unrelated text to complete the look and feel of absolute authenticity. "Pocket clippings" are printed on 36 x 36 inch pallet sheets of newsprint, then torn from the sheet to look as though they're torn from a real newspaper---which they are! Other formats are printed life-size on individual sheets. Our articles will fool virtually anyone. You'll keep these for years in scrapbooks and picture albums, you'll send them to relatives, friends, co-workers, ex-friends and victims, and you'll never again have so much fun for lunch money!

As Seen on TV

Fake Horoscope C-127

Write Your Own Horoscope

Below: A few crazy ideas.... Customize all months or only one...

Modify any of the signs below....or write your own from scratch.

Astrological forecasts By Marcia Stilletos For Today, Feb. 12, 2005 ARIES (March 21-April 19): If romance isn’t progressing smoothly rock the boat. Someone in the workplace has a great need to express affection, so be prepared for titillating amorous adventures. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Cupid's arrow is aimed right at your heart, so don’t wait for Valentine’s Day—go for it now! You have the personality and charm to gain recognition from peers. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Business formalities detract from pleasurable pairings with a romantic partner. Your charms shine brightly under these stars but feelings might not be shared. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Celebrate a special occasion early by finding a perfect target for your romantic yearnings. The answer may be revealed if you are looking for someone special for a romantic hookup. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): A mysterious aspect in the sky promises that you will be thrown into contact with the right people at the right time. Swim with the current, not against it. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Listen to your heart, as it might be the perfect time to suggest closer intimacy with a special someone. If you’re yearning for a soul mate, he or she could finally materialize. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Rack up some heavenly Kudo points with your latest heartthrob by advertising your desirability and being at your romantic best. Career prospects look good if you take chances. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Singles could meet the soul mate of their dreams on such a night. Financial affairs could prove slippery. Watch out for shysters! SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You have a Midas touch with finances today. Purchase only items that satisfy your heart. A pet could be in your near future and it will teach you much. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Stay close to home for the next day or two as the world can be a risky place for you. You possess extra magnetism that attracts others. Learning new things will be easier now. Study and evolve. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Prepare to meet your maker! (Not literally). This is a good time to pursue spiritual and philosophical concepts. Talking with loved ones can change you both for the better. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Be careful what you eat! Your health may be susceptible to minor gastrointestinal scrimmages. On the work front, co-workers may be plotting to steal your glory. ———————- Copyright -- All Rights Reserved

This selection is set up a little differently than our regular newspaper articles. If you choose the "small" size, the article will look just as it does in the .gif image (but with your own personalized text, of course). If you choose the "full" size, the horoscope is placed along the right side of the page. If you choose the "whole" size (whole newspaper size), your horoscope is placed on the BACK page of the fake newspaper. In that case, you can choose a newspaper headline. A generic article featuring some political nonsense or whatever...is set into the area where a customized article would ordinarily go. Fill in the blanks in the form below. You may alter just one of the months, or you may alter them all. --No price difference in any case. You may use some or all of the pre-written horoscopes in the lavender box above, or write all of the signs from scratch. Whatever months you DON'T supply in the form below, will be filled in with the horoscopes in the lavender box above.

This is a great way to send a subtle message, to propose, to roast a friend or co-worker, to flirt, or to humiliate some asshole who so desperately needs it. This product is the result of a special order in which the customer wanted a Libra horoscope which read:

"Business prospects look good; you may experience surprising results in being assertive tomorrow. Mars in your quadrant spells a high likelyhood of romance. But only if you STOP FARTING, UNCLE RALPH."

 

View NEXT Fake Newspaper 

Write Your Own Fake Newspapers From Scratch
Questions about Fake Newspapers? Try Our FAQs First!
View Optional Format Samples
Email

Instructions:

Personalize and SUBMIT the form.
Then click "CONTINUE" to go to the payment page.
Follow the flow through the Shopping Cart check-out.
To make corrections please submit a new form. Once
your new form has been submitted, you're done. DO NOT
go through the payment process again unless to wish to
pay for and receive additional newspapers.

To create your own story from scratch,
using your own main image, please
click HERE instead of using this form.

Volume Discounts are available during checkout

Whole Size $39.95, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23x27 inches, 2 identical copies
Whole Size $87.50, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23x27 inches, 5 identical copies
Whole Size $199.00, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23x27 inches, 12 identical copies
Whole Size $600.00, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23x27 inches, 50 identical copies
Small Pocket Clippings $17.95, No headline, 6x9 inches, identical 10 copies
Small Pocket Clippings $45.00, No headline, 6x9 inches, 30 identical copies
Full Page $24.95, (half sheet), No Headline, 13x23 inches, 3 identical copies
Full Page $67.85, (half sheet), No Headline, 13x23 inches, 9 identical copies
Full Page $146.95, (half sheet), No Headline, 13x23 inches, 21 identical copies
Poster Size $49.95, With Headline, 42x75 inches, 1 copy
Poster Size $217.95, With Headline, 42x75 inches, 5 identical copies
Tabloid Size $24.95, With Headline, 13x21 inches, 3 identical copies

For "Bulk" Advertising Fake News Clips, Go Here

 

Or....choose from three OTHER options:

 

Write your own personalized newspapers from scratch (from $17.95)

Write your own story in your own words and upload any pictures you like (or none at all).

Upload your own complete newspaper page layout (from $39.95)

Create your own complete newspaper page using the page-layout software of your
choice, then upload that page to us and we'll modify it to print as a newspaper.

Choose a pre-written bulk newspaper (cannot be modified) (from $4.95)

Many fake newspaper stories/articles are available as a pre-written selection which
cannot be modified to suit. More are added almost daily. We have a HUGE backlog
of archived and unfinished stories (many hundreds).

Remember!
-----

Whole Size is a two-sheet, eight-page WHOLE newspaper WITH HEADLINE
Poster Size is HUGE, printed on stiffer poster stock; one page WITH HEADLINE
Small Size is SMALL -- roughly a 6 x 9 inch "Pocket Clipping" with NO HEADLINE
Tabloid is tabloid sized, smaller than the Enquirer; one sheet, two pages each WITH HEADLINE
Full size is one full page, NOT one full SHEET; it's an INSIDE half-sheet page with NO HEADLINE