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Write Your Own Fake Newspaper

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Light 'em Up & Roast 'em  (Revenge)

C-77   Stock Market Crash
Crash the stock market at will and in the manner of your choosing

C-118   Terrorist Arrested
Person with suspected terrorist ties gets arrested, then grudgingly released.

C-39   Local Man Arrested Again for Indecent Exposure
Give your brother the credit he deserves. EXPOSE him

C-115   Alien Anal Probe
Hey. It happens. We know lots of people who could benefit from
one, who deserve one, and who probably WANT one. You know some too.....

C-22   Local Man Causes Stir
Pass these out to your husband's fishing buddies (then take his guns away from him)

C-29   Tacoma Street Prostitution "Out of Control" Says Mayor
Show your cousin up for the slut she is---street walker, indeed 
(great for family reunions)

C-117    Fan Encounter of the Worst Kind (stick a weener in a fan)
We knew a guy this happened to. Sort of. We don't like to talk about it.

C-80   Naked Men Arrested
Make a statement of personal independence---or just embarrass a friend

C-63   Break in Flasher Case
Don't you know a girl who has trouble keeping her pants on? Let her know you know

C-128   World's Largest Ball of Pubic Hair
Roast your boss in a stinky, disgusting way. Doesn't s/he just beg for it?  

C-59   Man Sues to Include Bizarre Event in Olympics
For the man of many talents who wants to scare off impress the ladies

C-112   Freeway Sign Says Anything You Want
Change the traffic advisory signs to send YOUR SPECIAL message

C-60   Local Man Suffers More Embarrassment than Injury
Guy gets a beer bottle or something stuck up his butt. This was the 
result of many requests. Does this crap really happen?

C-44   Man Sues Over World Record (2000, 2001, 2002 Most Viewed)
Well, someone, SOMEWHERE must have the largest penis in the world. Is it you?

C-126   Did Michael Jackson Molest Your Dad?
Haunt any house or structure you choose (scare your cousins)

C-45   4th Sexual Harassment Lawsuit Filed Against Clinton
Have YOU been the victim of a sexual predator? Sure you have

C-122   "Doing Atkins"---a Spoof on the Atkins Diet
"I lost 296 pounds in only 11 days and I feel great!"

C-12   Local Woman Sought in Grisly Homicide
Women tell us their husbands straighten up for awhile 
after finding this under their pillow

C-10   Local Man Gets Slacker Award
Recognition for the slacker in every company

C-121   Write Your Own Obituary to See Who Cries
Gruesome and dreary, the Goth's delight, by popular request we offer
proof of your untimely demise. Well, sort of.

C-7     New Toilet Facilities Installed at Local Warehouse
Embarrass your cheap boss or bossette

C-6     Biggest Jackpot in National Powerball Lotto!
Now YOU can win the National Lotto and make your friends GREEN with envy

C-91   Brown Noser's Special
For the brown-noser in every office---tell 'em they're appreciated

C-5     Genetics Research Advances
Come on, meet your Grandson. It's okay. You can hold him

C-17   Private Plane Crashes Near Industrial Area
Dirty dancing at 5000 feet results in crash---couple mortified

C-42   "Organisms" on Mars Rock are Life---But Not from Mars
Your boss's Momma TOLD him to wash his hands after going to the bathroom. 
Now look what's happened

C-3      Headache Sufferer Diagnosed
You KNOW your wife/husband/uncle/mother-in-law has a screw loose. Now prove it!

C-26   Local Woman Cured of Congenital Malformations
Cure your sister of snottiness when  every locker in school has a copy taped to it

C-94   Smallest Male Organ in the World (G Rated)
When you can't say anything nice......say THIS!

C-108   Birthday Cake Fire
143,000 people per year are burned alive by their birthday cakes

C-110   Killer Deer Kicks Ass
Wild deer turns carnivorous, kicks hunter's ass then runs away

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