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Write Your Own Fake Newspaper

____________________

Good Old Fashioned Practical Jokes

C-89   Local Man Wins Kentucky Derby
Convince your friends you've finally hit it big and are moving to 
the south of France over the weekend

C-77   Stock Market Crash
This one worked better before 9-11, but it still has some punch

C-78   WWII Heidenvolkker Restored
Restore the famed Heidenvolkker. Why? 
Because your car-buff friends will be envious

C-122   "Doing Atkins"---a Spoof on the Atkins Diet
"I lost 296 pounds in only 11 days and I feel great!"

C-118   Terrorist Arrested
Person with suspected terrorist ties gets arrested, then grudgingly released.

C-71   Quake Flattens Seattle
It FELT like it was going to flatten Seattle. Make people feel sorry for you. Whatever.

C-112   Freeway Sign Says Anything You Want
Change the traffic advisory signs to send YOUR SPECIAL message

C-132   Laura Bush vs. Teresa Heinz Kerry
Death Match

C-130   Did the Santa Barbara Police Beat YOU TOO?
Another Michael Jackson travesty....  

C-113   Breaking Up? Get VACCINATED so it never happens again
Medical science finally announces a new treatment: This drug makes you
immune to the opposite sex. Plop plop, fizz fizz, oh what a relief it is.....

C-72   Quake Flattens Seattle #2
It FELT like it was going to flatten Seattle. Make people feel sorry for you. Maybe.

C-123   "Ah Gonna be da Gov...!"
California. Too silly for comment (you too can be the governor of California)

C-73   Monorail Crash
Save a bunch of people from a burning monorail crash, 
and impress the girls at the noodie bar

C-126   Did Michael Jackson Molest Your Dad?
Haunt any house or structure you choose (scare your cousins)

C-120   Unexploded Bomb in YOUR Yard
Precision Bombing (aka "The Sky is Falling")

C-69   Pacific Bridge Progress Ahead of Schedule
Far, far, far too many people believe this. It may take you beyond laughter, into pity

C-68   Man Dies in Blazing Head-On (fake your own death)
Fake your own death. It's WAY more fun than it seems

C-128   World's Largest Ball of Pubic Hair
Roast your boss in a stinky, disgusting way. Doesn't s/he just beg for it?  

C-115   Alien Anal Probe
Hey. It happens. We know lots of people who could benefit from one, who deserve
one, and who probably WANT one. You know some too.....

C-66   Not AGAIN!
Our hero is that guy who flew around in the lawn chair years ago. 
Judging from sales, he's other folks's hero too

C-67   New Traffic Lights Arrive Ahead of Schedule
Mindless bureaucracy. We've all seen it coming. Now it's HEEEEE----RRRREEE

C-64   Blimp "Lands" on Monorail
Some may not recall the series of most unfortunate incidents that befell the 
well-meaning yet FRIGGING STUPID "major national pizza company" some 
years back, when EVERY FREAKING ADVERTISING BLIMP THEY LAUNCHED 
CRASHED AND BURNED. Good pizza though

C-63   Break in Flasher Case
Everyone likes a flasher. We certainly do. We'd like to see more of them. Or, 
we'd like to see them more. Or, we'd like to see their numbers increase. There.

C-56   Crocodile Found in Seattle Sewer
We dropped this one in a cafe half a block from the target area. It emptied

C-52   Eiffel Tower Clone Finally Completed in Seattle
Use this with discretion. People will NOT stop looking for it

C-106  The Most Perfect Little Gift in the World (birthdays, occasions)
President Lincoln once called my aunt Fritze on the phone for her birthday.
She was so pleased 

C-50   Fort Lauderdale Couple Given "Gift of Friendship" from Fidel
Be a commie spy and impress your friends

C-47   Hoard of Rare Cigars Smuggled from Cuba
Be a commie killer and impress your friends

C-42   "Organisms" on Mars Rock are Life---But Not from Mars
We had high hopes for life on Mars for awhile, but.......

C-41   Man Dressed as Devil Beaten
We don't know what in THE HELL this guy's supposed to be doing downtown 
in a devil suit. We just snapped the shot and tried to put a story to it. Seems 
like there must be a story in there somewhere. We never really found it. 
Maybe it's good for seed though

C-23   Hijacker "D.B. Cooper" Caught!
DB Cooper. What a guy. Can you imagine the hero status he'd enjoy from 
his cell if he were to surface now?

C-24   Washington's Grand Wizard for Seven Years Goes Public
We apologize PROFUSELY for our discriminatory attitude toward the KKK.
Not really.

C-107   Mystery Rods
We have an employee in critical condition at this very moment from a 
mystery-rod wound. Coming to a neighborhood near YOU

C-108   Birthday Cake Fire
Last May, four of our employees were burned to death in a birthday cake fire. 
We're lobbying our state legislature to require fire extinguishers on all cakes with
more than three hundred candles on them. Please, only YOU can prevent cake fires

C-109   Space Cows on Mars
We know there's life on Mars. We just got tired
of waiting for someone to discover it

C-110   Killer Deer Kicks Ass
Wild deer turns carnivorous, kicks hunter's ass then runs away

C-111   Killer Deer Gets Eaten
Wild deer turns carnivorous, but ends up on the barbie (where he belongs)

C-114   Surfer Attacked by Great White Shark
This surfer owes a lot to those who went before him

C-121   Write Your Own Obituary to See Who Cries
Gruesome and dreary, the Goth's delight, by popular request we offer proof
of your untimely demise. Well, sort of.

C-124   Haunt Your Own House (Haunted House Story)
Haunt any house or structure you choose (scare your cousins)

 

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