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Write Your Own Fake Newspaper

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Political / International

C-24   Washington's Grand Wizard for Seven Years Goes Public
This was originally written for a client who just left it casually lying on the 
coffee table when his white friends came to visit. He got just about every 
different reaction you could ever imagine

C-123   "Ah Gonna be da Gov...!"
California. Too silly for comment (you too can be the governor of California)

C-116   Crap on bin Laden
We just can't think of anything horrible enough or painful enough for the dumb ass

C-88   "Occupy" the Country of Your Choice!
We can also write this so that, say, Cuba leases 890,000 acres in central Utah 
on a 99 year contract. Stir up some SH-- for God's sake! Don't just sit there!

C-118   Terrorist Arrested
Person with suspected terrorist ties gets arrested, then grudgingly released.

C-112   Freeway Sign Says Anything You Want
Change the traffic advisory signs to send YOUR SPECIAL message

C-120   Unexploded Bomb in YOUR Yard
Precision Bombing (aka "The Sky is Falling")

C-133   California Judicial System to be Disbanded
Caly-FORN-ia. No further comment.

C-132   Laura Bush vs. Teresa Heinz Kerry
Death Match

C-106  The Most Perfect Little Gift in the World (birthdays, occasions)
Our aunt Fritze usually makes these calls for us. 
She has a whole SLEW of impressions

C-42   "Organisms" on Mars Rock are Life---But Not from Mars
Could be written for any disease you prefer. Jock itch is the default

C-130  Santa Barbara Police Department Beats You (and Michael Jackson) Up
Michael Jackson Gets Beat Up Everywhere He Goes. And so does your mark

C-27   Backhoe Being Hauled on Truck Hits Bridge
The owner of TrixiePixGraphics had almost the identical thing happen once---
with virtually the same aftermath. Any trucker knows this drill. It's great for 
those long layovers at the truck-stop, though. You'd be AMAZED at how many 
truckers will buy you a drink after reading this tale of woe

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