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Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us:
Here are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38 - caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space...understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayohad escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the purse-snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Yipsilanti, Michigan , at 5 a.m, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
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Has
Your Order "Gone Missing"?
Chances are it hasn't.

We
ship all orders by a variety of carriers, depending on the situation,
depending on the location of the customer, depending on the value
of the shipment or even the type of package. If the
carrier says your order was delivered, it was delivered. Please
be very, very sure you haven't received your order
before firing off a nasty email which will only cause us, and you, time, grief and hard feelings.
Check with your neighbors, ask your dog, grill your co-workers,
ask your neighbor's dog, maybe your kids took it to school, maybe
your spouse or house cleaner threw it away... It IS around there
somewhere. If we have proof of delivery, we will NOT send you
a replacement for free simply because you cannot find your item.
In one case involving a Realtor from Nashville, she actually tried
to claim the carrier forged her signature on the delivery receipt and kept the item (a personalized newspaper) for himself.
If the carrier loses or wrecks your order, it will do no good
to email us a foul, nasty, insulting note berating us for the
carrier's mistakes. We are not the carrier. And we are not your
punching bag. These carriers are sloppy, slow, incompetent and
expensive. We hate them just as much as you do. All that's required
in the event of a missing or ruined order is a polite, non-hysterical,
rational email to us explaining the problem in clear terms; we'll
reply quickly and advise you of your options. We maintain copies
of all shipping labels; please do not accuse us of shipping to
the wrong address when that's not the case. We cannot recall ever
having a serious problem with any order or any customer that was
not related to a carrier's mistake. Please understand that we
can only address the package; we cannot hand-carry it to your
door.
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