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Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us:
Here are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38 - caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space...understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayohad escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the purse-snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Yipsilanti, Michigan , at 5 a.m, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
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Personalized Fake and Joke Newspapers and Personalized Newspapers and Personalized Headlines for Gags and Gifts, Birthdays, Movies and Plays, Advertising, Publicity Stunts, Baby Showers, Wedding Showers, Stag Parties, Corporate Recognition, Awards, Thank You's, Revenge, Make a Point, Birth and Death Announcements, Wedding and Marriage Announcements, Practical Jokes, Cerebral Terrorism, Personalized Birthday Gags, Gifts. Fake Newspapers available in Small (pocket clipping) size, Full single page, Whole newspaper, Giant Poster, and Tabloid (by special request)
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TrixiePixie Graphics®, Channel54News®, and the "Resting Bird" graphic are Registered Trademarks. TrixiePixGraphics™, National-Media™, and FakeNewspapers™ are Trademarks of TrixiePixie Graphics®. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. TrixiePixie Graphics®, Channel54News®, TrixiePix Graphics™ and FakeNewspapers™ are Protected under US and International Law. Copyrights © 1982 - 2010 TrixiePixie Graphics®. All Rights Reserved.
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Fake
Medical (type)
Tests and Stuff
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Remember when your sister ratted you out last year?
Get even.
Leave one of these babies lying around where Mom will find it.
Then leave town.
Be Pregnant -- Get More Presents!
Fake Pregnancy Tests
Fake Pregnancy Papers
Fake Plain Ultrasounds
Fake 3D Ultrasounds
Fake Pregnancy/Santa Bellies
Package Deal (all of the above)
Remember when your sister ratted you out last year?
Get even.
Leave one of these babies lying around where Mom will find it.
Then leave town.
Be Pregnant -- Get More Presents!
Get seats on the bus!
Get time off work!
Get ignored by men!
Get envied by women!
Get special treatment!
Get out of speeding tickets!
Be late on your rent with no penalty!
Get the benefit of the doubt always!
"John Edwards" Fake
Paternity Test (DNA)
Fake Medical Tests (universal)
True-Love Test?
In our days of industrial diving, raising ships, we gave up on using graduates of so-called "commercial diving schools" for various reasons, and just trained our own divers. As part of that training we needed to know which divers would STICK when things went to hell underwater, and which would panic and perhaps take more lives with them.
So, as much as we disliked doing so, we tested every diver to see how they'd react when something "bad" happened on an underwater jobsite. We never, ever tested in stupid ways like turning off their air, but our methods were just as successful in subtler ways. These tests proved invaluable and probably saved lives, not the least of which were the lives of those who were prone to panic and so were removed from environments where panic meant death. We believe in the concept of testing for all sorts of things, but when it comes to love, we're not sure we're "there".
The item on this page and others (Fake Pregnancy tests, Fake DNA tests, Fake Pregnancy Bellies, Fake Ultrasounds and Fake Pregnancy Documents) are sometimes being used in a way that may possibly backfire on the user. We've been aware of this use for some time, and we've been unsure how we felt about it, or how to address it. It is, simply, the use of these fake pregnancy products by women to "test" their boyfriends, husbands, significant others, to see if they truly love them. The idea is that if a significant other gets the news of a surprise pregnancy sprung upon them, they'll either embrace it, or flee, and the option they choose will dictate whether or not they "truly love" the woman perpetrating the ruse. This is very dangerous stuff. In the first place, any initial reaction by the guy may be a knee-jerk reaction. It may not reflect what he really feels. Sure, even if he comes back the next day and begs forgiveness and vows his undying support, you can still argue that he was a scumbag for even having entertained the notion of bolting, and perhaps you'd be right. Or perhaps not.
The human heart is a very complicated thing. None of us has complete control over it; none of us knows FOR SURE what lies in ours. While the use of these products as a test of true love may have "some" benefit in discovering what's really in your mate's heart, the use of these products for that purpose should be discouraged, because the initial reaction may not be the truest reaction. While we do believe in the morality of using "little tests", usually psychological tests, to find out what's in a person's heart, this particular method of testing for true love may be like using a hammer to cave in a skull when a gentle tap on the shoulder would have sufficed.
We urge extreme caution with these products. Think before you buy. Think again before you spring your trap. Be absolutely sure you WANT to know what's in your mate's heart. Sometimes it's better not to know.
Dead Baby "Humor"
What IS Poor Taste?
There's a fine line between what can potentially be considered humorous, and what can never be considered humorous. But there IS a line. Requests like the following will cause you to be blocked from viewing our site, let alone ordering from us. Some people feel that ANYTHING can be funny in the right context. We're pretty liberal (not politically) in our views regarding humor. For instance we thought the "nappy-headed ho" comment by Imus was hilarious -- deserving of a profound apology, but still hilarious. With regard to the following, however, it crosses our line by a couple of lightyears. Please don't send us crap like this. Save it for Jerry Springer, or your psychiatrist. We've grudgingly removed the identifying data. We receive several similar requests per week:
Form Submission
The following information was submitted on
04-23-2007 17:23:43 from 75.104.
40.XX:
First Name: e-----
Last Name: l---------
Email: g---------@yahoo.com
Uploads:
Message Area:
Hello i wanted to know if you have any miscarriage pranks if not is there
a way you can help me make one up for me? I want a joke saying my baby was
a stillborn and died. can you help me with this prank? please respond
quickly please!
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