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Have Fun with a

(Fake DNA / Paternity Tests)

Item Number --- FT-3
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We now refer to this product as the "John Edwards Fake Paternity Test"

 
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How does this work?

Buy the DNA Collection kit (in the form below type the names of the two different people you want to test for a blood relationship). When the kit arrives, use the detailed instructions, showing your victim how to collect DNA from the inside of the mouth. Collect your victim's DNA, make a show of mailing the samples "back to the lab", then throw the whole goobery mess away (we don't want it!).

In a week or ten days, announce that you've recieved the results.

--Comes with everything you need to "prove" a match or a mis-match, at your discretion. If you want NOT to be related to your little demon-spawn brother, show him the certificate proving he's NOT of your royal blood (why, he must be adopted after all!)

A great joke to pull on your friends, soon-to-be-EX-friends and soon-to-be EX-family members. Just remember:

Your mark may literally kill you.

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True-Love Test?

In our days of industrial diving, raising ships, we gave up on using graduates of so-called "commercial diving schools" for various reasons, and just trained our own divers. As part of that training we needed to know which divers would STICK when things went to hell underwater, and which would panic and perhaps take more lives with them.

So, as much as we disliked doing so, we tested every diver to see how they'd react when something "bad" happened on an underwater jobsite. We never, ever tested in stupid ways like turning off their air, but our methods were just as successful in subtler ways. These tests proved invaluable and probably saved lives, not the least of which were the lives of those who were prone to panic and so were removed from environments where panic meant death. We believe in the concept of testing for all sorts of things, but when it comes to love, we're not sure we're "there".

The item on this page and others (Fake Pregnancy tests, Fake DNA tests, Fake Pregnancy Bellies, Fake Ultrasounds and Fake Pregnancy Documents) are sometimes being used in a way that may possibly backfire on the user. We've been aware of this use for some time, and we've been unsure how we felt about it, or how to address it. It is, simply, the use of these fake pregnancy products by women to "test" their boyfriends, husbands, significant others, to see if they truly love them. The idea is that if a significant other gets the news of a surprise pregnancy sprung upon them, they'll either embrace it, or flee, and the option they choose will dictate whether or not they "truly love" the woman perpetrating the ruse. This is very dangerous stuff. In the first place, any initial reaction by the guy may be a knee-jerk reaction. It may not reflect what he really feels. Sure, even if he comes back the next day and begs forgiveness and vows his undying support, you can still argue that he was a scumbag for even having entertained the notion of bolting, and perhaps you'd be right. Or perhaps not.

The human heart is a very complicated thing. None of us has complete control over it; none of us knows FOR SURE what lies in ours. While the use of these products as a test of true love may have "some" benefit in discovering what's really in your mate's heart, the use of these products for that purpose should be discouraged, because the initial reaction may not be the truest reaction. While we do believe in the morality of using "little tests", usually psychological tests, to find out what's in a person's heart, this particular method of testing for true love may be like using a hammer to cave in a skull when a gentle tap on the shoulder would have sufficed.

We urge extreme caution with these products. Think before you buy. Think again before you spring your trap. Be absolutely sure you WANT to know what's in your mate's heart. Sometimes it's better not to know.

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