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Letterman Award

Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us:

Here are the glorious winners:

1. When his 38 - caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
 
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space...understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayohad escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15.  (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the purse-snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Yipsilanti, Michigan , at 5 a.m, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

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Remember what your Dad said:
The only way it'll get done right is to do it yourself!

Copycats: As with every product we develop, we were the first company in the world to offer a product like this. In the past decade one copycat after another has tried to duplicate it. They offer much smaller sizes (usually 24" wide because they're using desktop printers), and short lengths (hardly worth the trouble), usually no option for an image, the cheapest-possible drugstore gift-wrap paper....we see this all the time. They don't last long -- a year or two at most, at least with this particular product. They come and go faster than American presidents' chippies. But while they're in the process of going under they make a point of insulting and berating every other business out there. It grows tiring after awhile, especially to those of us who developed the product in the first place, and we're eventually compelled to address it. We've seen basement and back-bedroom operations set up paid advertising so that when a customer looking for a quality product did a search specifically for us, the other company popped up, and we've seen just about every other sleezy trick and trickster come down the pike. The shamelessness of these people is staggering and we find ourselves wondering what moldy rock they slithered out from under. Some companies say they've "patented" their own gift-wrap printing equipment (right -- they hand-stamp or roll-press short phrases over pre-printed paper from Rite-Aid and Walmart -- pictures and images are utterly beyond them). It goes on and on. We suggest that every customer shop around. We don't need the money; our only motivation is to produce great products that will make people smile. Unwitting customers can deal with fraudsters, shysters, and copycats if they like. Perhaps that's a kind of natural selection at work.

Custom Gift Wrap

Item Number --- FC-45
View Next Item
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You can never find exactly the right wrapping paper.
So make your own!


Personalized Gift Wrapping Papers -- Custom Printed by the Roll

You know those little I.D. cards you have to stick on every package?

Throw 'em in the trash!

Create a wrapping paper using a patterned picture of the recipient.
They'll know who it's for---and who it's from!


(use your own image)

Custom Gift Wrapping Papers    

Are we serious?
Yep.

What's more, you'll receive enough paper to actually use.
Send us any picture you like, and we'll turn it into your own custom wrapping paper. You've searched the stores for years trying to find a wrapping paper that's truly unique, that has class, that sets your gift apart from all others. You've tried foils, designs, textured papers, solids, tissues---

But it's the same old stuff everyone else is using.
So be different. Give your gift the distinction it deserves!
You'll be the talk of the party.

Custom Gift Wrapping Papers

Immortalize a handsome (?) pet.

Illustrate the recipient's career.

Custom Gift Wrapping Papers

Perfect for corporate gift wrapping with your logo.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How does this work, anyhow?

It's simple:

All papers are 36" wide. We use only a white paper. The ghosted background shown in the examples is no longer available. Type in a phrase (if you wish), and upload an image for us to use as a pattern. That's it! Printed in 15 foot lengths (you'll usually recieve a few extra feet because we're nice), 36 inches wide, order as many lengths as you wish.

We do not offer any images. You must supply your own image.

What kind of image should you supply?

We can use just about any good quality image, but here are some guidelines for best results; remember that we reserve the right to reject a poor-quality image and cancel the order if we feel too much quality and detail will be lost when printing on this disposable paper.

We'd prefer to receive a "transparent .gif" image. That's the easiest for us to work with. If you know what a transparent .gif is, and are comfortable creating one, that's the best way to assure that you get exactly what you want. Please set the color range at 256. Images that come to us as a transparent .gif are printed exactly as received, with no cropping or alteration.

If making a transparent .gif isn't for you, just send us any old picture. We prefer it to be in .jpg format, but that isn't even all that important. Any bitmap (bmp, tiff, whatever) will do. You may submit a vector image if you like, but it will be converted to a bitmap for this particular product. Your image must be of good quality. Gift wrap media isn't kind to images, especially photographic type images. Spot color logos print much better on this paper.

What about resolution and size?

Ideally, your image will be 150 dpi at a size of 3 inches by 3 inches. That's roughly the size of each image in the pattern that gets printed onto your paper. Please do not send huge images, such as 30 by 30, because reducing them down to a 3 inch snapshot will destroy much detail. If you have no clue what we're talking about, don't sweat it---just send the best picture you've got, but understand that if you supply a poor quality image, that's what will print --a poor quality image!.

What will we do to your image?

We may adjust contrast, and do a bit of minor color correction. Even so, the colors in your image may get "tweaked". This is mostly due to differences in decorative paper from roll to roll, and the fact that gift-wrap media was never designed to reproduce "quality". We're not creating a work of art, after all.

We'll also crop your image if you didn't supply it as a transparent .gif. We may mask out the image and use it as a transparent .gif, as depicted in this image of the baby's face:

Custom Gift Wrapping Papers

Or....we may elect to "trim" the image, something like this:

Custom Gift Wrapping Papers

What method we decide to use depends on several factors, mostly relating to the composition of the image you supply. If you're fussy about your image, you can assure that we print it exactly as you desire by supplying it as a transparent .gif. If you supply it in any other format, we'll mask or crop it as we see fit.

What about the text phrase?

Say anything you like! Or not! A text phrase is optional.

The phrase shown in the above examples says, "Happy Whatever from TrixiePixGraphics".

Frankly, we no longer like the font we used for the samples; so the font is subject to change, and will be of a style that's more readable than that shown above. We try to match the font to the occasion where possible.

Do we have any "taboo's" regarding what kind of image or phrase we'll print?

No.Your phrase can be nasty or nice, positive or negative. We're not your judge.

Send us a picture of your butt, your dog's butt, your wife's cranky-face, a huge eyeball, a picture of a slug, some seagull droppings, your topless girlfriend, a rose, the jail cell you were in when you got drunk in Mexico, send us a pic of your vomit the morning after, or your mother-in-law's hairy shins; we simply don't care. Trust us when we say we're weirder than you.

Standard order is for 15 feet (36" wide).

This is one of our favorite products, and we hope you enjoy it half as much as we do.
Note: You may notice slight color shifts in logos and graphics and some "dulling" of very bright and/or heavy colors using this media. We will not undertake any formal color correction on this product. This item is designed to be scotch-taped to a gift, to elicit a laugh or a smile, and then to be bodily ripped from the package by grubby, eager little hands. Gift-wrap is not an art statement, it is not an art product, nor could it ever be considered as such at this price, using this media.

Custom Gift Wrapping Papers

I am delighted to learn that the "Megan Madole & Associates" paper turned out so well that you want to use it as a sample on your Web site! You have my permission and I will look forward to seeing it on your site in the future.

No sooner had I e-mailed you my permission to use the "Megan Madole & Associates" paper on your Web page, the order arrived at my office! I am equally delighted with the way both rolls of paper turned out and am especially impressed with how fast the project was completed and delivered. This is a grand total of four days from placing the order to being printed, shipped, and placed my hands in NYC! I will not hesitate to recommend Trixiepix Graphics to others. Thanks again.
Sincerely, Michael Madole

Item Number --- FC-45
$38.90 per 36" by 15 foot roll

Please do NOT inquire about volume discounts
International orders for this item will be CANCELLED

One of the most bizarre questions we've ever been asked:

Q. "Will this ink 'run' underwater?"
A. YES! We do not make giftwrap for underwater use. Go figure.

--However, our UV outdoor inks will NOT run, smear or dissolve under anything even approaching normal use. Any ink will run if you get it wet enough, but ours is very smear-resistant -- more so than the inks found on store-bought wrapping papers.

CAUTION:

Do not eat.
Do not insert into any body orifice.
Do not place in gas tank.
Do not use underwater.
Do not use in the shower.
Do not use in the rain.
Do not use near fire.
Do not soak with gasoline and ignite.
Do not expose to paint thinner, solvents,
hydrochloric acid, the Andromeda Strain or Anthrax.
Not for cooking.
Do not inhale.

Custom Wrapping Paper Fill out the following information and click 'Submit'.
*Buyer's First Name
25 characters remaining.
*Buyer's Last Name
25 characters remaining.
*Email:
*Any Phrase (type NONE if desired)
Image
*I understand that this media
may exhibit color shifts and dulling
of bright or heavy colors
Yes
*I understand that my
image will be printed
in a repeating pattern
with white space between
each image
YES
*I Agree to Check Email
YES
Email     HOME

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 6.9.2008
IP: (hidden)
Author: (hidden)
Name (normally hidden): Paul (hidden)
Phone (normally hidden): 512-801-(hidden)
Order # (normally hidden): n/a
City or Town (normally hidden): Austin

I use to order gift wrap from an on-line store called -------------.com. They no longer sell the paper but I still have a little left. I cannot find it anywhere. If I scan a photo of it, are there going to be any issues with copyright? Also, content of the design could be offensive. Will this be an issue?
Thank you. Your time is very much appreciated!
Taylor

REPLY:

Yes, we're familiar with the company you mention, unfortunately. Personalized and customized gift wrap paper is OUR original product. We were the first in the world to offer it by many years. At last count there were 49 companies who had blatantly, shamelessly copied our product, almost all of whom do this badly, many of whom won't even allow the customer to upload an image because their old hand-cranked presses cannot duplicate an image but can only roll a one-color text string over the paper they bought at Walmart. It's ludicrous. Yet we often discover these companies trying to bad-mouth us in the forums because, after all, we are their only real competition, and the mentality that steals product ideas is also a mentality prone to lying as a morally-acceptable means of trying to slow that competition. Basically what we do here is originate brand new innovative, imaginative products, so the bottom-feeders of the world will have something to leech and steal. We are truly sick of it, and we find ourselves looking more and more closely at some of these companies for ways to file suit against them. Two different newspaper companies in the UK, for instance, have stolen our text word for word. They WILL be sued. This is a sore topic with us. We're angry, and we're looking to strike back. We're now extra-vigilant for any and all opportunities. In any case, no, we don't care what your content is, as long as it's not kiddie porn. Adult porn? No problem. Political rudeness? Hell, we INVENTED political rudeness. Re any copyright issues, we cannot reproduce copyrighted text or images unless the customer specifies to us that they have permission to reproduce said material. If you suppled the image to that outfit, then it's YOUR image. How can we identify a copyrighted image from one that's not? We use the same criteria that Kinkos uses -- if it has a copyright notice on it, we will not reproduce it unless the customer or client certifies to us (in writing) that they have permission to reproduce the material. We try and try and TRY to warn people about doing business with the copycats -- some listen, some don't. In the vast majority of cases these copycats have not thought the product through, don't know how to correctly make it, and aren't imaginative enough to figure it out (that's why they didn't come up with the product themselves, but only stole the idea from someone else -- because they have little or no imagination). People get bad, sometimes criminally deplorable products from the copycats, and the copycats are here today, gone tomorrow, which leaves the customer in the lurch -- just like you are now. This really, truly ticks us off. Free enterprise can be a great thing, and often it is. But nearly as often it serves to screw the customer, and screw the business who develops, originates and puts out a great product, only to have their revenues minimized by the scammers and rip-offs of the world. End rant. Answer: Yes, we can make your gift wrap. Just scan the image at 150 or 300 dpi and submit it with your personalization form.

 

Custom Gift Wrap (Tangent)
We'll sometimes do custom work for nice folks like Tangent Corporation
Inquire about full coverage patterns BEFORE ordering

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