Roast 'em long and Roast 'em hot. Roast 'em slow, or in a pot.
Roast 'em 'till they scream and kick. Roast 'em turning on a stick.
Roast 'em on a red-hot grill; Roast 'em on a rocky hill.
Roast 'em in a big ol' pile; Roast 'em with a little style.
(Smile -- you'll live 34% longer. -Assuming you want to!)
Channel54News.com®Personalized Videos -- Overview
Channel54News.com offers personalized video clips to Roast your victims with a capital "R".
These are DVDs which play on your TV like a regular Breaking News newscast.
Each movie features a 10 minute lead-in of some generic footage -- perhaps the classic movie "Charade", or maybe a documentary of some type -- whatever "filler" footage we have on hand and for which we have the rights might be used. Then the "action" sequence (the part that exposes your
friendvictim). -Then several minutes of movie footage at the end (only a few seconds of filler footage is shown in the samples).The 10-minute lead-in allows you, the skullduggerous perpetrator, to get your victim and audience settled, adjust the TV sound, explain that you just want to watch a few minutes of "this old classic", etc., (then you'll promise to change the channel). Perhaps you'll set up your own hidden camcorder to record for posterity your victim's reaction to seeing themselves suddenly featured on the National News in a most compromising context (if your footage is great we'll buy it from you). We recommend placing a tiny piece of tape over the "play" light on your DVD player so your victim won't suspect the broadcast is anything but a real TV news affiliate broadcasting in real-time.
You may want to be ready with the remote when the movie breaks and goes into "breaking news" mode. Turn it up a little, make sure everyone's paying attention. Don't overdo it! But be sure everyone's focused on the "important announcement" when the reporting begins.
Some selections are meant for the inclusion of a map, not a portrait. But whichever is used, it will be timed to pop up at the appropriate moment, depending on the context of the script. Of course your DVD can be re-played at every event and get-together for decades to come, while the victim cowers under the couch. Got a safe deposit box? That may be the only place to store your DVD that's safe from your featured victim's wrath.
We're developing new scripts almost daily. Some customers have asked for a product that is easier and quicker to personalize than our Fake Newspapers, magazines and the like. To that end we've made this product dog-simple; there's no detailed form to fill out; just send us a picture of your victim (or a map of your neighborhood, or whatever the script calls for) by using a simple upload interface, and we'll take it from there.
As with our fake newspapers, you won't be stuck ordering only our pre-written and pre-produced scripts. If none of our stock clips will suit your needs, you're free to request your own breaking news-type segment, customized from the ground up, using the actor or actress of your choice.
This is a great product. It's the only thing like it in the world today (2007). Like all of our original products, it's documentably a first. We know the desperate, shameless, unimaginative, stinky little copycats will eventually steal this product idea like they copy all our other original products. If they cross the line we'll sue 'em -- as we've been forced to do in the past (yes, even in the UK). But even if we can't quite.....nail them in court, there's still a peculiar, back-handed kind of gratification in knowing that imitation is the grandest form of flattery. If you see this type of product being offered anywhere in the world, know that the idea came from us.
Enjoy....