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FV-58, Head up Ass , Performed by Laura H. (below) *Text and Video Copyright © 2007 Channel54News.com™ We've just received word in our Channel 54 studios that doctors have successfully completed a complex surgical operation that has been at the top of the news for the past 20 or so hours. The operation was completed several hours ago, but the official statement is just now being made public. Medical professionals around the world had scoffed at the attempt, voicing the collective opinion that the patient had suffered with their rather peculiar problem for so long, and had become so accustomed to living that way, that to correct the condition would actually be more like an act of punishment than rescue. A prominent Cedar Sinai surgeon went on the record publicly to note that so many people live with this problem in the country today that it can hardly be considered unusual anymore. He went on to state that, "If you cure a person of this, they'll be an outcast from that moment onward because they will no longer live among their peers." Nevertheless doctors went forward with the 20 hour procedure, and are happy to announce that the individual shown on your screen now for the first time has successfully had their head surgically removed from their ass. X-Rays show the tortured state the patient had been living in for most of their adult life. There was a media frenzy as the patient was discharged and tried to make it to their car to presumably drive home. Reporters clamored for a statement, any statement at all, but were rewarded only with the frequent presentation of the patient's middle finger and some sort of slur about women and their desire to vote, and about gay men and their desire to be women, giving rise to speculation by hospital staff as to whether or not the monumental effort was successful after all. Said one OR nurse, "That sucker was really stuck in there. I'm thinking now....maybe we should have just left it." This has been Casey Miles reporting. And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
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