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Personalized Newspapers, Magazines, Giant Checks & Breaking News Videos by TrixiePixGraphics.com™ FakeNewspapers.com™ Channel54News.com™ Gag Gifts & Art, More Fun than a Halter-Top Full of Ferrets Ask a Question    View Cart/Checkout     About Shipping     Bulk News Giant Checks - Fake Pregnancy Tests - Fake DNA/Paternity Tests - Fake Newspapers - FBI Wanted Posters Fake Certificates - Custom Gift Wrapping Paper - Huge Banners - Old West Wanted Posters - Crossword Puzzles Book Binding - Personalized Books - Fake Obituaries - Fake Prescriptions - Fake Ultrasounds - KubeKompanion TrixiePixGraphics™     Store Rating       International Sales Info Jump to Channel 54 News™ Personalized Breaking News Videos This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. Copyrights © 1982 - 2008 TrixiePixGraphics. All Rights Reserved.

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FV-17 Cooties, Performed by Laura H. (below)
*Text and Video Copyright © 2007 Channel54News.com™
We're following a breaking news alert as officials from local Health Departments and the National Centers for Disease Control issue an urgent plea for help in locating the carrier of a contagious venereal disease in this area. Authorities tell us it would be "virtually impossible" for this person to not know they are a carrier, due to the nature of the infection. Apparently the disease is actually a mutant derivative of what is usually called "pubic lice", or "the crabs". But in this case the CDC says these aren't the nearly microscopic little white larvae some may be familiar with, these are cooties almost the size of little plastic army men. Health officials tell us this rare strain of crabs is far more transmittable than traditional infections from decades ago. In fact one CDC spokesperson who asked not to be identified said, and I quote, "Them suckas can jump fav feet and thay bite lak a mean pony." Authorities have released a picture of the suspected carrier and urge any potential victims who may have had intimate contact with this individual over the past few years to call 911 immediately and ask for the chief officer in charge of the "department of cooties and venereal diseases." Health department officials say treatment is available, but it's long, unpleasant, expensive, and may make your coochies and willies fall completely the hell off. We'll keep you updated as this story unfolds. And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

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