www.Channel54News.com "Personalized Videos" of Breaking News, Create Your Own Personalized Joke Newscast

Roast 'em long and Roast 'em hot. Roast 'em slow, or in a pot.
Roast 'em 'till they scream and kick. Roast 'em turning on a stick.
Roast 'em on a red-hot grill; Roast 'em on a rocky hill.
Roast 'em in a big ol' pile; Roast 'em with a little style.
(Smile -- you'll live 34% longer. -Assuming you want to!)

Channel54News.com

If you've already partaken of our fake newspaper services and products, you know that although we offer many pre-written fake newspapers, you may also write your own fake newspaper article from scratch. This option is available to those who couldn't find exactly what they needed in a pre-written selection. In the case of fake newspapers and fake articles, the customer was free to mix and match stories, or to alter or rewrite ours in any way they wished. But our fake breaking news newscasts cannot be edited. Therefore, it's even more important that we offer the option to produce your own fake newscast from scratch.

We know folks hate to read, so we'll try to keep this short. When you order a fake newscast you'll have a few options.

First and foremost, you'll need to write a script.
You'll write it either directly into the form below, which we do NOT recommend, or you'll compose it in the word processor of your choice, over a half hour, several hours, or even a couple of days, and then paste it into the script section of the form below. We beg you to have someone else proof-read your script. We do NOT make corrections for you; we've gotten into trouble too many times in the past when we thought, for example, that the word "inabbropreat" was supposed to be the word "inappropriate". We fixed it -- only to receive a scathing communication from the customer, advising that inappropriate really WAS spelled that way in southern West Virginia. And they demanded a new copy. At our expense. We learned that, at least in this context, the customer is ALWAYS right. For better or for worse we will NEVER tamper with your script. So please make sure it's right the first time you submit it!

The next most important choice is.....who's going to act out your script?
You'll choose from any actor or actress in any of the sample movies you see in our Channel54News.com section. There is always a chance that one has moved away, so we ask you for your first, second and third choices. If we can't get ahold of either, we'll contact you before proceeding.

We ALWAYS ask that you watch your email for at least a few days after we receive your order. We may have questions.

Fake Newscasts are not like most of our other offerings; they can NOT usually be produced quickly. We will have to schedule your actor, and if they're any good, their openings will be limited. It may take at LEAST several days for them to find a time-slot in which to come into our studio to perform your script. After the script is performed it must be chroma-keyed, color-corrected, and edited in a variety of ways. Then it's rendered, then it's burned to a DVD, then it's proofed, packaged, etc.. When we find problems or mistakes this process may be repeated several times (of course the offending employee gets pounded like a scallopini and perhaps even murdered and then beaten some more, because we know that's what you'd want). If you choose the "RUSH" option for shipping during checkout, your order goes to the top of the queue, and it will be processed as quickly as possible (which may STILL take the better part of a week), and it will ship via one of several "Overnight" options -- which seldom arrive overnight. We promise to use an overnight method, but we never, ever promise your item will arrive overnight. In the case of almost all other products, when you choose "RUSH", your order WILL be printed and shipped within 24 hours. In the case of personalized DVDs, however, we make no such promise. Some of our actors come in from as far away as 200 miles. It simply takes time to produce this product.

Can you send us a video instead of a still image to insert into the little window on the left?
Yes. Almost any format will work; please keep it under ten megs. We'll size, crop and trim as required.

Custom Newscast Fill out the following information and click 'Submit'.