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When you wanna get attention....

Giant Banners

For More Than Just Birthdays:

Big Banners, Huge Banners, Gargantuan Banners, Humungous
Banners, Large Banners, Oversize Banners, Industrial Size Banners
This banner isn't fancy--it's just HUGE
"Fancy" (and huge) banners by special order--inquire

Item Number --- FC-33
View Next Item  

 

Personalized, Custom/Customized for:
Weddings
Baby Announcements
Welcome Home
Congratulations

Other ideas:
Get Well Soon
Keep Out!
This Way to John's House
Help Wanted
Wife Wanted
John You Suck
Work Wanted
Lost Dog
Spare Change?
Slow The %$#@ Down!
Open House
Jenny Bartholomew is a Slut
Garage Sale Here
50th Anniversary
It's a Boy
It's a Girl
It's the Child of Satan
Happy Retirement
We'll Miss You
Happy Graduation
Haunted House
Don't Drink and Drive
No Trespassing!
Is This Big Enough?
Christmas Sale!
Grand Opening
Under New Management
Closed for Repairs
Speed Trap Ahead
Future Homicide Scene
Joe Schmoe is a Putz
Tom Arnold Can't Bowl
Saddam Hussein is a Faggot (see email below)
Eileen Turner Has the Crabs...

Well, this list is deteriorating, but you get the idea...

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36 inches tall by as long as it takes (up to about 150 feet).

Personalize This Banner --- FC-33

Custom Banners Available on Request

We got tired of expensive, wimpy little banners, so we put one on steroids.

Printed on plain white bond, about the weight of light poster stock, intended for indoors but will survive outdoors in no-wind, no-rain conditions.

These are huge banners, designed to GET NOTICED.

Supply any message at all  (we're impossible to offend).

Prints in a medium-dark gray Arial font. First 15 characters (include spaces in count) are $40 minimum, then $3 per character regardless of length. The banner shown above measures 36 inches high by 15 feet long and cost only $55 plus shipping.

Have fun.

We accept MasterCard and VISA, etc..
"Giant Banners" generally ships within 1-2 days.
What our customers say about us.

Starting at $40

Certificates and Other Kinds of Things

Banner Text (1st 15 characters are $40 flat rate)


Additional Characters = $3ea. Count correctly!
- Please Select - No additional character (beyond 15) - Add $0.00 One additional character (beyond 15) - Add $3.00 Two additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $6.00 Three additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $9.00 Four additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $12.00 Five additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $15.00 Six additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $18.00 Seven additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $21.00 Eight additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $24.00 Nine additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $27.00 Ten additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $30.00 Eleven additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $33.00 Twelve additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $36.00 Thirteen additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $39.00 Fourteen additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $42.00 Fifteen additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $45.00 Sixteen additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $48.00 Seventeen additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $51.00 Eighteen additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $54.00 Nineteen additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $57.00 Twenty additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $60.00 Twenty One additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $63.00 Twenty Two additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $66.00 Twenty Three additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $69.00 Twenty Four additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $72.00 Twenty Five additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $75.00 Twenty Six additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $78.00 Twenty Seven additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $81.00 Twenty Eight additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $84.00 Twenty Nine additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $87.00 Thirty additional characters (beyond 15) - Add $90.00

 

Banned Words

A government official proposed around the first of January, 2004, that the word "evolution" be stricken from school texts and, pretty-much, from the English language. It was "offensive", he said, and should be replaced with the phrase, "biological changes over time".

There's also quite a movement underway to remove the word "Indian" from the English language. Most Indians we know find this hilarious.

If we removed every word, every phrase, every idea that offended every person, everywhere, our pages would be blank. To us, the phrase "Bill Clinton" is far more offensive than the word "faggot" is to others. But we do not strike "Bill Clinton" from the site because it is a phrase which conveys an idea and communicates a thought (and conjures forth a humorous image every single time) and can be used in whatever context we desire. A society can often be said to evolve only as far as the complexity, diversity and adaptability of its language will allow. That being true, we'll take all the flexibility of language we can get.

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A recent email:

To:
TrixiePixGraphics
From IP Address: 66.245.103.158
First Name: Luis
Last Name: Montano
Email: mcmlxxvi@mindspring.com Message: I was looking through your site (found through google) for a novelty banner. I have chosen not to purchase from your site after seeing one of your "Other Ideas" in the banner section: "Saddam Hussein is a Faggot". "Faggot" is a hateful word that probably should not be displayed so casually. I would never tell a business owner how to conduct their own affairs, I just wanted you to be aware that customers, like myself, may not care for that kind of approach

---------------------------------------------------------------------

From: TrixiePixGraphics
To: Luis Montano
Any word can be hateful, any word can be humorous. Faggots call themselves faggots (we have many gay friends), none of whom are offended by being called a faggot if spoken with humor and respect (we just asked some) just as we are not offended at being called "straights" or "breeders", or "honkies" (by blacks). If you are that sensitive, we submit that you would probably be offended at just about everything on our site, and we ask that you do not visit it again. Besides, with regard to Saddam Hussein, we meant to be offensive. Saddam is/was a homophobic nut-case and we couldn't think of a more demeaning thing to him than to be called gay---and we didn't mean it with humor or respect. We hope someone buys that banner and displays it where he can see it from his cell. Thank you.
 

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Still not convinced?

Here's a (small) sampling of words educators would like to see essentially removed from the English language for one hair-brained reason or another. These are currently banned by various states, Universities, etc.:

**Dialect (banned as ethnocentric, use sparingly, replace with "language")
**Differently abled (banned as offensive, replace with "person who has a disability")
**Dirty old man (banned as sexist and ageist)
**Disabled, the (banned as offensive, replace with "people with a disability")
**Dissenter (ethnocentric, use with caution)
**Distaff side, the (banned as sexist)
**Dogma (banned as ethnocentric, replace with "doctrine", "belief")
**Doorman (banned as sexist, replace with "door attendant")
**Down's syndrome (banned as offensive, replace with "Down syndrome")
**Draftsman (banned as sexist, replace with "drafter")
**Drunk, drunken, drunkenness (banned as offensive when referring to Native Americans)
**Duffer (banned as demeaning to older men)
**Dummy (banned as offensive, replace with "people who are speech impaired")
**Dwarf (banned as offensive, replace with "person of short stature")

**Heretic (use with caution when comparing religions)
**Heroine (banned as sexist, replace with "hero")
**Hispanic American (use with caution as some groups object to the term's suggestion of a shared European cultural heritage, replace with "specific nationality")
**Homosexual (banned, replace with "person", "child") --HUH?
**Hordes (banned as reference to immigrant groups)
**Horseman, horsewoman (banned as sexist, replace with "equestrian")
**Horsemanship (banned as sexist, replace with "riding skill")
**Hottentot (banned as a relic of colonialism, replace with "Khoi-khoi")
**Houseman, housemaid (banned as sexist, replace with "servant", "housekeeper")
**Housewife (banned as sexist, replace with "homemaker", "head of the household")
**Hussy (banned as sexist)
**Huts (banned as ethnocentric, replace with "small houses")

**Pollyanna (banned as sexist, replace with "optimist")
**Polo (banned as elitist)
**Pop (banned as regional bias when referring to soft drink, replace with "Coke", "Pepsi" [however, note that brand names are banned by California social content review guidelines])
**Postman (banned as sexist, replace with "mail carrier")
**Postmaster, postmistress (banned as sexist, replace with "post office director")
**Pressman (banned as sexist, replace with "press operator")
**Primitive (banned as ethnocentric when referring to racial, ethnic, religious, or cultural groups)
**Primitive man (banned as sexist, replace with "primitive peoples")
**Profoundly deaf (banned as offensive, replace with "person with loss of hearing")
**Provider, the (banned as synonym for husband)* * *

**Sect (banned as ethnocentric when referring to a religious group, unless it separated from an established religion)
**Senile (banned as demeaning to older persons)
**Senility (banned as demeaning, replace with "dementia")
**Senior citizen (banned as demeaning to older persons)
**Serviceman (banned as sexist, replace with "member of the armed services", "gas station attendant")
**Showman (banned as sexist, replace with "showperson", "entertainer", "producer")
**Sickly (banned as demeaning reference to person with disabilities)
**Sightless (banned as offensive, replace with "people who are blind")
**Sioux (banned as inauthentic, replace with "Lakota", "Dakota", or "Nakota")
**Sissy (banned as demeaning)
**Sissified (banned as demeaning)
**Slave (replace whenever possible with "enslaved person", "worker", or "laborer")
**Sneaky (banned when referring to Asian Americans)
**Snow ball (banned for regional bias, replace with "flavored ice")
**Snow cone (banned for regional bias, replace with "flavored ice")
**Snowman (banned, replace with "snowperson")
**Sob sister (banned as sexist, replace with "exploitive journalist")
**Soda (banned for regional bias, replace with "Coke", "Pepsi" [however, note that brand names are banned by California social content review guidelines])
**Songstress (banned as sexist, replace with "singer")
**Sophisticated (banned when it refers to religious practices or beliefs)
**Soul food (banned as regional or ethnic bias)

 

Foods to Avoid in Textbooks
Why? No one we know has a clue.

Gravies
Gum
Honey
Jam, jelly, preserves
Ketchup
Juice drinks
Pickles
Pies
Potato chips
Pretzels
Salad dressings, mayonnaise
Salad oil, shortening
Salt

 

Well, doesn't it all just make one want to puke barf upchuck hurl vomit expel partially digested food matter.

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Gun Control

"Language control" is like gun control. It can be, and often is, taken to extremes.

We say, how about knife control? Knives kill people every day---that is to say people wielding knives kill people with knives every day. The knives themselves don't jump up off the chef's counter and stab folks---not this side of a Halcyon Dream, anyhow.

So let's get rid of them. Or at the very least, let's regulate knives so that only people (food service companies, government agencies, etc.) who really have a legitimate need to own and use a knife, can have access to them. Steaks could be sold pre-cut, string could be sold in short lengths, then tied together if a longer piece is needed. There could be "cutting stations" situated around your community---need something cut? Take it to a government approved "cutting facility" where they'll do it for a minimal fee.

No more knives. Think of the lives that would be saved, not to mention all the accidentally cut fingers and whatnot.

Of course there's a problem with this proposal. Evil-doers would soon be making home-made knives (the horror). For instance, it is reported that you can take a hunk of steel and rub it back and forth on an abrasive surface, and sooner or later make it pointy and sharp. So? All the hunks of metal in the world which might conceivably be fashioned into a sharp and pointy device will need to be cleaned up and regulated. But think of all the lives that would be saved.

We're advised, of course, that pieces of wood (a naturally occurring fibrous substance that comes from trees) might also be sharpened into a device with which to inflict harm on another. These pieces of wood can be turned into weapons (or tools) by scraping them back and forth on a rock. It might prove difficult to outlaw, regulate and remove from public access all materials and surfaces upon which a hunk of wood might be made into an illegal cutting or poking object. The best society might hope to accomplish would be to remove all sharp rocks which could be used in lieu of a sharpened stick.

Okay, enough ranting. We're just tired of the mentality which seems to think the world can be made into a perfect place, devoid of anything which might even remotely cause harm or be used for harmful purposes. It's said the pen is mightier than the sword, and we believe this to be true. Words may be weapons, and words may be a balm. Words can take lives and save lives and influence lives. Words can be true or false, spoken or conveyed fiercely, hatefully, lovingly, artfully, humorously, deceitfully, beautifully, poorly, outrageously, insultingly---just as a rock may be polished and displayed in a case, or thrown through a window. A gun may be used to protect, or to harm. A knife may be used to kill or to cook. A sharp stick may be used to point to a word, to teach the meaning of a phrase, to poke someone in the eye, or to scratch out wisdom upon a rock.

Unfortunately, society needs guns, and it needs knives, and it needs sticks, and it needs words. We'd like to see more intelligent use of all of the above, not the removal of them from the world.

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© 2004

 

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