FC-189  -  The David Letterman Pedophilia Award
FC-189  -  The David Letterman Pedophile Award

Precocious is as Precocious Does...

This certificate is not for sale. But you can use it for free! Click-it!.

...as a token of our respect and admiration for your unending attempts at petulant, cutsie, adolescent, imbecilic, off-color humor which serves only to demean, insult and enrage women, especially minors and their fathers, around the bloody world...

 

Most of us here watched David Letterman for years -- some, decades. He was funny, edgy, smart, urbane -- until, after awhile, we realized he wasn't.

As Letterman became sillier, raunchier, more pompous and insufferably arrogant, we began to realize that he was also clueless. In the ways of real life and the real world, he finally convinced us he was a damned moron.

We hadn't watched him for years when, on approximately June 10th, 2009, he made an on-air crack about some baseball player raping Sarah Palin's 14 year old daughter, Willow, during the seventh inning of a Yankee game. It was a lead balloon by all accounts. What made it worse was Letterman's disgusting, sophomoric, Animal House, half-hearted, bumbling attempts at limp-wristed mumblings that dragged out over a full week, never attaining, even then, not even cumulatively, the status of a true and honorable apology. The man is just too Goddamned precious to live. We're nearly as disappointed in Sarah Palin for accepting Letterman's adolescent "apology". She should have skewered the dumb-ass and roasted his balls -- if he has any.

The owner of this company is of Scottish descent. In the 1400's one of his great-great-great (use your imagination) uncles lived in a village in which a local lout, who happened to be the sheriff, made a pest of himself by raping countless women. The uncle finally had enough, invited the sheriff on a hunting trip, killed him, butchered him, and boiled him for soup in the forest. The soup was reportedly delicious (though oddly unsustaining). That should be the fate of all such dreary bags of walking dung. By the way, though the uncle freely admitted his deeds, he was never prosecuted.

Had Letterman made that remark about one of OUR daughters, we'd have been on a plane to New York at first light. We'd probably have gone to prison for speaking with him man-to-man (or at least "man-to-weasel"), but our self-respect would have remained intact. We've heard others say they'd have knocked his dentures down his scrawny throat and pulled them out his ass. Then rung his effing neck. Unfortunately, that would be "in poor taste". --Probably illegal, too. WAY too many laws in New York City.

Letterman's paying a small price for his outrageous obnoxiousness, but not nearly high enough for the tastes of many. We didn't like the jackass before he let loose this rancid fart-bomb. We hate his guts now, and we hope he comes to harm. --Squashed by a bus, perhaps, after some misstep from a Manhattan curb? We submit that NO ONE would EVER utter such foul and irresponsible insults unless they thought seriously about that very same act at one time or another. No well-adjusted grown-up male EVER entertains thoughts of such actions, not even in passing, let alone maintains their decision over a period of hours or days to voice such thoughts to countless millions of people around the world on a national TV show. We think that makes Letterman a full-fledged pedophile, at least by thought, if not by deed, and, frankly, we wonder how far behind the deed itself could be. We have absolutely no use for Letterman or his ilk. He's a genetic blank. Too bad he procreated. Will the fruit fall far from the tree?

The certificate above is our tribute to this unthinking slab of human feces. It's not for sale. It exists as a vent to our anger and outrage. We offer it, free of charge, to anyone who wants to use it for personal entertainment purposes. We hold the copyright on the certificate. You may not alter it. You may not remove our copyright. You may NOT sell it or use it for anything but humorous personal use. If you abuse this license, trust us, we will sue you from here to Costa Rica. We like thieves even less than we like that petulant, precocious spoiled-brat, David Letterman.

Clicking the thumbnail above will take you to a high-resolution image of the "David Letterman Pedophile/ Pedophilia Award Certificate". Print it if you like. Fill it in and give it with our compliments to the most disgusting, insulting, ignorant, terminally inappropriate, ham-fisted jackass you know.

We support, to the death, David Letterman's right under the First Amendment to say any damn fool thing he wants.

And we support, to the death, our right under the First Amendment to tell David Letterman what we think of what he says.

Here's hoping the stupid son of a bitch loses his show. Or gets hit by a car. Or both.

Cheers.

PS: If Letterman or the studio cares to sue us for this "voicing of opinions", the resultant publicity will be MOST welcome in these dubious economic times.