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Visa, Mastercard, American Express and Paypal Accepted!Are you feeling the
economic crunch?
Of course you are. Even Lazy Boy Bill Gates is feeling it.Whose fault is it? It was a "collective effort".
We all screwed up, then some terrorists screwed us up some more.But we gotta blame SOMEBODY, so let's blame George W. Bush.
Getting blamed is his JOB, after all.This is a fake newspaper manufactured by TrixiePixGraphics,
producers of the Cadillacs of fake newspapers. It measures
a little over 27 x 23 inches, which is about the size of the largest
newspapers made in America today. It's printed from regular newsprint
rolls. There is NO DIFFERENCE between this, and any other newspaper
like the Chicago Tribune or the Miami Herald.This edition features the Bush headline, and a Bush story about mid-page
on the left (to the right of the center fold). We've enlarged it so you can
read it below. The rest of the publication is filled with generic ads and
unrelated stories on both sides, of course.
Piss off Bush supporters
Delight Bush haters
It's win/win either way
In all honesty, we sort of like ol' George, but you gotta admit he has
an uncanny knack for sticking his skinny little turkey-neck out there
where it's hard to resist lopping off his head. We tend to believe that
Iraq (the leader, not the people)(well, maybe some of the people too)
SHOULD be stomped; we believe the economy is NOT Bush's fault; we
believe Bush is a bit of a hard-ass.....something we respect in this new-age
of whiners. But we offer this product to those who disagree with us, and
to those who can simply appreciate a chuckle at the prez's expense
without getting all weird and emotional and hysterical about it. And we're
betting Bush himself has enough class to be included in that group.
Or maybe not.Unless Bush does something colossally stupid in the
next year, we'll vote for him again.
Or maybe not.We just wish that, in the interim, he'd act a little more, well, professional.
Carry this baby with you always; you never know when you'll need it.
Go ahead, have some fun at his expense. It's okay. In fact, it's a law.Remember, no matter how dark the skies, you have to keep laughing.
Hey---is political satire still legal in America?
Stock No. BP-01
Questions? Try Our FAQs First!
Or...Order by Regular Mail
Trouble Ordering?
The Lighter Side...
From "sharesomekindness"
Hey this is THE FUNNIEST thing I have EVER seen!!!
.......I want one of these REALLY BADLY!!!
My Father-in-law is a Republican loyalist (no matter who is President at the time!) and can NOT see G.W.'s "shortcomings"...WOW!!! Anyway, he & I got in an argument over G.W.'s "lack of brain cells" and I would just LOVE to have this newspaper just sitting around our house sometime & have HIM "accidently" spot it!!! Man, this is REALLY funny!!!!! By the way, how DID Dan Quayle ever graduate from High School anyway??? Anyway, thanks for the laughs...I needed that!!!! Take care!
The Darker Side...
The eBay Vigilante
There exists a loosely-knit group of eBayers we've come to call the "eBay Vigilantes".
They number at least several hundred; their numbers and identities change almost daily, as individuals grow up and find other activities, and as new trouble-makers arrive to replace them. They seem to be about 60% male, 40% female, and all age groups are welcome. This bunch seemingly has no life whatsoever, so they spend their hours eagerly perusing eBay's auctions, looking for things they personally object to.For instance, just after 9-11, we offered several posters featuring the American flag. Some were offered as charity auctions, meaning that all the proceeds were automatically sent to charity to help 9-11 victims. eBay offered this auction type as a service---the seller never saw the money, it was presumably sent directly to those in need. We were absolutely deluged with nasty, and often threatening emails from the eBay Vigilante crowd, denouncing us for selling the American flag. In a few instances we tried to point out the stupidity of their complaints, and the illegality of their threats. But in the end we gave up, and just let them rant. It became clear that this was a concerted effort by a mob mentality, and many of these dimwits would "get together" in the eBay forums and boast to one another about how many nasty, threatening emails they had sent to eBayers that day, or how many auctions they didn't personally "like", which they were able to get terminated by exposing some anal flaw in the auction format.
When we began investigating this madness we were amazed at how pervasive it was throughout the eBay forum community, and how little (if anything at all) eBay did to curb the activity. It didn't matter what was being sold---this group had a handful of people in it who didn't like it, and would openly struggle and scheme and plot and organize and conspire to either harass the seller, or get the auction shut down. Post a pro-Bush auction item, and you'll be deluged with nasty comments and threats from anti-Bush nuts; post an anti-Bush auction item and you'll be bombarded with an equal number of mindless rants and threats from pro-Bush eBayers.
One of their favorite tactics is to post extremely high bids on auctions they object to. This has the effect of circumventing any legitimate bidding, and in some cases it actually cost the sellers money on auctions that are billed according to the highest amount of the winning bid. Sure, there is a mechanism within eBay to contest the auction charges when the bidder didn't pay, but it's time consuming, it's tedious, and it doesn't always work. To say that eBay makes it difficult to retrieve these funds is an understatement. And, in many cases, the seller didn't file for a refund within the specified time limit, and ended up paying auction fees for these outrageous and bogus bids, placed by member of the eBay Vigilante crowd. We were constantly amazed at how openly the eBay Vigilantes discussed their methods in the eBay-sponsored forums. And, to our knowledge, eBay never lifted a hand to stop it. Sort of makes one wonder at the mentality of eBay as a company. We know of no less than nine (9) complaints of conspiracy to the FBI during this period---to the FBI because they were engaged in interstate fraud and what amounted to electronic terrorism. We have no idea of the final disposition of those complaints. We were forced to file several harassment complaints to local authorities ourselves. Of course this caliber of human being will never stand up and meet you face-to-face. Rather, they sneak and lurk and plot, like one of those little yipping dogs who nips at your heels, then runs whenever you turn around to stomp them. We call this the "Yapping Chihuahua Phenomenon".
We can't help but wonder at the mentality of the eBay Vigilante. We have visions of lonely old men, sitting at home on raggedy couches in stained underwear, three days of scraggly beard, downloading porn and harassing eBay sellers because they simply have nothing else to do. Or perhaps the group is made up of lonely, homely, overweight housewives who've replaced their addiction to community gossip with electronic terrorism on eBay. Maybe these are pimply-faced adolescents who obtain some kind of twisted glee from simply causing trouble. Perhaps the eBay Vigilantes are made up of drunken hillbillies whose children are more closely related to them than we'd ever want to know. Perhaps all of the above comprise this nasty little group. The point is this: If you sell on eBay, you WILL sooner or later be harassed by this element. It doesn't matter what you sell: someone, somewhere, will be offended by it, and will, for some reason known only to them, figure you'll want to be personally informed about their dissatisfaction. Where they get this notion is anyone's guess. We imagine that since their Mommies thought they were cute and that their opinions had value, they automatically think the rest of the world cares as well. In any case, they seem duty-bound to force their opinions on you, then are absolutely amazed when you make it clear that YOU. DON'T. CARE.
You do have recourse, of course. The first thing to do is file a complaint with eBay. If these little shits have used eBay equipment to harass or threaten you, eBay will stop them. We don't believe eBay does this out of any sense of decency or morality---rather, they do it probably because their legal department has informed them that if they don't stop it, they can be held partially liable for the harassment. Many eBay Vigilantes will then switch to a Hotmail or Yahoo-type email account, thinking they can't be traced. Nothing could be farther from the truth. The really determined types will try various and sundry other stunts---one of their favorites is to enlist the help of friends to harass you. But this can all be exposed, if and when you become angry enough, by subpoenaing the ISP account records of all involved, and then documenting a relationship between the offending parties. This magically changes their crime from simple harassment, to conspiracy to harass. which is a far more gratifying conviction for the offended to gain. At this point your civil suit against the offending parties becomes quite strong, and if you discover that they actually own something, you can begin to recover expenses and even punitive damages by attaching and eventually taking it.
By allowing this activity to continue nearly unchecked on their forum servers, does eBay share in the liability? That would be a legal conclusion---but it seems extremely likely. We wonder, just as a simple point of morality, why eBay would even WANT to allow this crap to continue. Perhaps eBay feels they can cut back their hired work force and let the Vigilantes screen the auctions for them. After all, this caliber of human will never go away, and eBay can enjoy an inexhaustible unpaid workforce (sort of like how Microsoft uses its customers to test and refine its software).
We wonder how so many people can find so much time to dedicate to the activity of simply causing trouble. But one must remember that there are myriad government hand-out programs which allow these types to sit home for weeks, and months, and years, not even dreaming of gainful employment. And you're paying them to do so. We wonder how so many people could have gotten the idea that you care one whit about what they think, beyond entertainment value. Of course they're always free to create their own product and offer it for sale if they feel they have an opinion to offer to the world. But for some reason you never see them doing that.
The Stoopid Side...
A Special Treat:
This product has been featured on eBay as a promo. We've received some emails from eBay users regarding this title, most of whom congratulate us for offering it, and a few of whom denounce us as the Anti-Christ for offering it. It's interesting to note that of the negative comments we've received, NONE have made much sense. We suspect they come from dopers or druggies---who knows---who cares. A couple of these types were so persistent that we were forced to file criminal complaints of harassment against them. So we figured we'd entertain you as well, and post their comments here, complete with header info (should anyone care to verify the authenticity of the sender) and with their email addresses intact (in case anyone should like to share their own views with these nut-cases). We'll post them below as time allows. If you don't like our product, WE. DON'T. CARE. You're free not to buy it. If you want to send us rants and threats, go for it. Several of us have law enforcement backgrounds---we can deal with that crap effortlessly. We ask only that you wait until you're really good and tanked-up to write and send your innermost political and philosophical thoughts, so that we can all extract as much entertainment value as possible from such ravings. Imagine the chagrin of the twerps below when they sober up and read what they wrote:
From "Al Mahan" jamahan@multipro.com
Note that the person featured below admits receiving our notice of a criminal complaint having been filed against him, yet chooses to continue harassing us anyway. What are our odds of gaining a conviction? 100%
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From: "Al Mahan" <jamahan@multipro.com>
To: "trixiepixgraphics" <deleted@trixiepixgraphics.com>
References: <200301222354.h0MNshED015477@mx9.sjc.ebay.com> <006b01c2c273$86b5e390$b078e40c@micron>
Subject: Re: Question for seller -- Item #3202899670
Date: Wed, 22 Jan 2003 21:19:58 -0600
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X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.00.3018.1300typical liberal! All you know how to do is lie! As in your newspaper for sale. And then file a complaint when someone exposes you for what you are. If there is any complaint lodged, it would perhaps be a libel suit against you for the slander against our President. By the way, just a word of advise, to be humorous in a satire or allegory, you must have even one grain of truth. Your article lacks truth so much that only a liberal could enjoy it.
Furthermore, instead of facing the truth concerning the absolute moral backruptcy of liberals, you do the thing a liberal knows to do - file a formal complaint of criminal harassment. Of course free speech only applies to liberals, right? Freedom of the press only applies to you, right?
Finally, I believe the appropriate thing for ebay to do is to remove your product. If you can't handle the complaints against you without running and crying like a two year old saying, "I'll tellin' on you, you said something I don't like", Well grow up! If you dish it out, be prepared to take it! If you print slander against our President, that's your first amendment right. If I complain, that's my first amendment right. However, to you, if a person is not out hitting on a white house interin, lying under oath, or out promoting parital birth abortion, he must be mentally handicapped. If you want to sell slanderous tripe on ebay, you had better get used to people responding, otherwise, get off ebay.
From "Al Mahan" jamahan@multipro.com
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To: deleted@trixiepixgraphics.com
From: jamahan@multipro.com
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Subject: Question for seller -- Item #3202899670
Date: Wed, 22 Jan 2003 15:54:43 PSTWhat kind of low life piece of garbage person would demonstrate to all their own glittering collossal ignorance! Certainly not you?! You and your baby killing pack of reprobates have no soul and seal you own damnation. Go get your welfare check! Before you drag a carton of cigarettes through a trailer park to get some more voters and sex for your most moral man in America candidates.
From: "Text Source" f166.law12.hotmail.com
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From: "Text Source" <textsource@hotmail.com>
To: deleted@trixiepixgraphics.com
Subject: Re: Question for seller -- Item #3202899670
Date: Wed, 22 Jan 2003 17:56:06 -0500
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X-OriginalArrivalTime: 22 Jan 2003 22:56:06.0999 (UTC) FILETIME=[729C3670:01C2C269]You know jack about jack. I get a kick out of every politicaly, socialy
>and mentaly challenged bleeding heart liberal unwilling to drop a dime to
>better themselves. Perhaps thats why another recent census showed that 72%
>of all new college grads are registered republicans. I guess you forgot the
>8 years leading up to this eh? Par for the course for the dummycrats.
From: "Text Source" f166.law12.hotmail.com
(This one was received after we informed eBay that this little shit was harassing eBayers; eBay must have spanked his adolescent bottom so he figured he'd harass us even more)
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Subject: Question for seller -- Item #3202899670
Date: Wed, 22 Jan 2003 12:10:13 PSTI already talked to ebay. And they are interested in your "Me" Page and its
links containing slanderous ebay info. Arent you smart? *Yawn*
George W. Bush, George Bush, President Bush, "I am an idiot", I know jack about economics, president bush is an idiot, george bush is an idiot, george w. bush is an idiot, political satire, political parody, humor, presidential humor, presidential jokes, executive gift, practical jokes, gags, birthday present, gag birthday gifts, joker gifts, fake newspaper, newspaper, political newspaper, gag newspaper, joke newspaper, joke material, novelty gifts, novelty newspapers